Caregivers Need Support Groups

Caregivers receive support at Alzheimer's group
By John McCahan

WESTON — Michelle Roman moved her mother to Massachusetts six years ago when it became apparent her mother was unable to live safely on her own. For a number of years her mother had seemed less able than in the past. Paying bills and minding her checkbook, for example, became increasingly difficult.

Because her mother was a strongly independent person, Roman hesitated to suggest to her that she might need help. When finally the suggestion was made, her mother gratefully accepted. Being cooperative did not last. As the confusion, later diagnosed as Alzheimer’s disease, progressed, her mother became suspicious her daughter was stealing from her. As Roman and her two brothers conferred, they agreed it would be important to move her mother from her home in Virginia to be close to Michelle in Massachusetts.

Roman contacted Candice Steingisser, the social worker at the Weston Council on Aging, for counsel about appropriate living arrangements in the Weston area. She and her brothers then effected what seemed to be a successful move until, shortly thereafter, her mother got into her car and disappeared. Fifteen hours later, she called Roman from a market in Pennsylvania, now thoroughly lost, trying to find her way back to her home in Virginia.

Caring for others is not new to Roman. As her three children were growing up, she left her position as head of the general accounting office in Boston to spend more time at home. She volunteered in the school system, worked with the Golden Ball Tavern Trust, and gave her time to the Generations program in Boston, reading to children at the Blackstone School in the South End. In spite of having the skills to locate and implement the kinds of care necessary to her mother’s well-being, she experienced the emotional toll that accompanies the care of a loved one with a degenerative disease.

Within a few months of her mother’s move to Massachusetts, Roman joined the Alzheimer’s support group at the COA where she could share experiences and concerns. Though each member’s day-to-day story was unique, the availability of the room to voice fears and frustrations resulted in a familiar echo from other participants, and an opportunity to allow others to provide comfort and reassurance. Often what was provided was useful information, information that made it possible to quickly put in place strategies that newer circumstances now called for.

Jay Fay reinforces Roman’s experiences. About the support group, he says, "You know what others are experiencing and how they deal with it."

As a problem solver, Fay used multiple and diverse contacts, many within his own family, to meet the needs that he and his wife were encountering. Like Michelle Roman, Fay initially contacted Candace Steingisser at the COA to obtain information. Less than half a year later, he joined the Alzheimer’s support group. To hear him describe the group is to understand something of the depth of both information and sustenance that are shared among its members.

The term "support group" is used to describe a large range of congregant activities, and among the most prominent are those that are performed in the context of giving care and assistance to others. In developing resources for caregivers, the staff of the COA is recognizing the essential role that adult children, spouses, siblings and others frequently play in successful "aging in place."

For more information contact Senior Solutions at (954) 456-8984 or toll free at 1-800-213-3524