The challenges of caring for aging parents can be taxing for the in-between generation.
IT IS one of the most difficult problems any of us will ever face. Mom and Dad are getting on in years, and they aren't quite as sharp as they once were. Mom broke her hip last year and has a hard time with the stairs. Dad probably shouldn't be driving anymore. Or maybe Dad has passed away and Mom has started to let her once-immaculate house go a bit. You would love to help out more, but you live 2,000 miles away and you've got about all you can handle taking care of your own kids.
Situations like this are becoming increasingly common. In fact, there is even a name for people being squeezed between the demands of their children and the responsibility they feel to assist their aging parents--the Sandwich Generation.
For as long as there have been families, people have had to find ways to care for aging relatives. In days gone by, multi-generational families often lived in the same town, and sometimes even in the same house. Everyone could pitch in to help their grandparents. It was almost expected that, after a long life, they would be taken care of by their children and grandchildren.
It is important to remember that, when you are trying to help your aging parents from a distance, you don't have to do it alone. There are many resources available, including:
Senior centers. Not to be confused with nursing homes or retirement facilities, these are places where seniors can go during the day to socialize, exercise, and have a good time. Many offer extensive programs of activities, including guest speakers, dances and parties, organized book/discussion groups, and outings to museums, shows, sporting events, etc.
Dependent care counseling. Some employee health benefit plans come with telephone access to counselors who can assist you with issues involving caring for your aging parents. These counselors can often provide referrals to experts who can help you with needs as diverse as finding an accountant to do their taxes to helping you locate information on diet and exercise for seniors. Some services can be a big help in performing the costly and time-consuming legwork associated with finding care for your parents. Ask your employer or health plan if your benefits include such a service.
Warning signs
One of the hardest parts of trying to assist your aging parents from a distance is monitoring their health. Since many parents don't want to complain, their children may never know that a health problem is developing. It is not uncommon for parents not even to tell their children if they are hospitalized.
While senior health conditions can be subtle and hard to detect, there are several warning signs. Any of the following could signal the start of a situation that needs attention:
Sometimes, the health concerns brought on by aging necessitate more formalized, regular care, such as in-home custodial care or moving to a nursing home. It is often difficult for adult children to come to terms with the fact that their parents may need this kind of care, especially when their mother or father vigorously protests the idea. There are, however, a few things you can do to make such a transition easier:
Involve your parents in choosing their care. A large part of the anxiety seniors feel when they are placed in the care of others comes from relinquishing control and autonomy over their own lives. To help alleviate this fear, make sure that Mom or Dad has as large a role as possible in interviewing candidates for in-home nursing or visiting prospective retirement communities and nursing homes. This will help them retain their dignity and sense of independence.
Choose a nursing home carefully. All facilities are not alike. Try to find one with as low a ratio of residents to staff as possible. Be sure that it offers plenty of activities and programs to keep residents engaged and vital. Check out the buildings and grounds to see if they are clean, safe, and in good repair. Ask for references so you can talk to current residents and their families. Above all, meet and talk with as many of the staff as possible and have your parent(s) do the same. If you and your mother or father both get a good feeling about the place and the impression that it is staffed by caring, experienced professionals, chances are it will be a good fit.
Investigate long-term care insurance. Nursing homes and in-home nurses aren't cheap. Visits by in-home nurses run about $20 per hour, and nursing homes average around $35,000 per year. Medicare doesn't always provide enough to cover these expenses, so it may be a good idea to look into long-term care insurance. Such policies are designed to cover care associated with aging, and some allow the policyholder to use the benefits either for themselves or their parents.
As members of the baby boom generation approach their golden years, seniors' issues may dominate the national agenda like never before. How will the sandwich generation of today manage their own care? Will they expect their children to take care of them or will they somehow manage to retain their independence?
Advances in medical science have lengthened life, but in many cases a longer life doesn't mean one free from health concerns and the need for ever-higher levels of care. Indeed, it could be argued that medical advances have exacerbated the problem of looking after the growing ranks of older seniors in this country. Meanwhile, the responsibilities facing the sandwich generation today continue to be a challenge. While caring for aging parents is difficult, there are ways to make it easier--on your parents and yourself.
For more information contact Senior Solutions at (954) 456-8984 or toll free at 1-800-213-3524
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